little black journal

Project Tidy continued last weekend with an emptying of our bathroom cupboards and our linen closet, followed by a go-through of Juliette’s toy collection.  There actually wasn’t a whole lot to discard from her toy shelf, but pulling everything out, putting all the stuffed animals and puzzles and matchbox cars into one big pile, was a good opportunity for me to stand back and consider my philosophy on playthings.  I read Simplicity Parenting last year and could only vaguely remember my favorite passages, so I took a second look at my highlights on Sunday and recommitted to a few main goals:

Don’t accumulate, don’t buy on a whim.

“To a child, a mountain of toys is more than something to trip over.  It’s a topographical map of their emerging worldview.  The mountain, casting a large symbolic shadow, means “I can choose this toy, or that, or this one way down here, or that: They are all mine!  But there are so many that none of them have value.  I must want something else!”  This worldview shapes their emotional landscape as well; children given so very many choices learn to undervalue them all, and hold out – always – for whatever elusive thing isn’t offered.  “More!” “

I love watching Juliette tear into gifts and get so much satisfaction from seeing her happily engage with a new toy.  But we’ve learned that her interest is fleeting, that she’d rather have a few precious playthings that allow her to imagine and pretend, like her MagnaTiles and her baby doll, than a mountain of “single-use” stuff.  It’s tempting to give in when she asks for that super-cuddly teddy bear from Costco or that cute wooden cash register from IKEA, but I’ve learned to stand my ground (and then treat her to a cookie instead!).  She gets toys for her birthday and on holidays, maybe an irresistible trinket or book every couple months, but other than that, “not right now, honey” is the party line.  If she does get something new, something old has gotta go – real estate is scarce on this toy shelf!

Keep it real.

“I think it is important that, whenever possible, what a child touches be real.  A plastic hammer has no solidity, no weight or heft in the hands of a five-year-old.  Even small versions of real tools are preferable to such blatantly false imitations…With such play comes the bonus of genuine involvement and mastery.”

Juliette is free to rummage in our tool drawer and our kitchen cupboards for playthings when her usual toys aren’t piquing her interest – cabinets and drawers that are off-limits are either locked or out of reach so that we don’t have to worry about her wielding knives or wine glasses.  She spent a solid 20 minutes under the dining room table with a screwdriver and a set of Allen wrenches a few weeks ago, shouting “I fix it, Mama!” as she tinkered away.  When I tell her I’m hungry, she’ll pull out a pot and a wooden spoon and throw together a batch of “spicy pepper soup” (main ingredients are puzzle pieces and spare change).  I love watching her flex her imagination as she gives new meaning to the contents of our junk drawer.  Letting her play with “real” things also goes a long way in helping me stick to objective #1, as I’m not buying a kid’s version of the stuff we already have on hand.

Let her “help”.

“Children love to be busy, and useful.  They delight in seeing that there is a place for them in the hum of doing, making, and fixing that surrounds them…As small beings they can feel like inferior, passive observers of all that happens around them.  A sense of industry – of busyness and purpose – counteracts feelings of overwhelm.”

I’ve mentioned before how much Jules loves helping me in the kitchen, and while her assistance usually doubles my cooking and clean-up time, I do my best to let her in on the action.  I know she’s facing several years of being told she’s not old enough or big enough to do grown-up things, but she sure can stir with the best of them!  Now if only she could scrub a toilet…

March in Seattle.  Often gray, often rainy, but dappled with sunshine and color and the promise of brighter days to come.  The weather today was wild – gray then gorgeous then pouring down rain.  We made those sunshiny moments count, swinging by the UW Quad before church this morning to check in on the cherry blossoms, which seem to be just a few days from peaking.

We were there for about 15 minutes when the skies opened up and we had to dart to the car to take refuge.  First, though, one quick toss!

As we were leaving church, we got a text from Jack and La Verne, asking if we’d be up for a romp through the arboretum since the skies had cleared again.  We headed that way and strolled down the blossom-line paths, warily eyeing the gray clouds rolling in while the kids reveled in being outside.

Sure enough, 20 minutes into our walk we felt the first sprinkles and made it back to the car in the nick of time, buckling our seat belts as big fat raindrops pelted our windshield.

Spring, you’re such a tease.

I checked out The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up from the library a couple of weeks ago, curious to find out for myself what all the buzz was about.  I’d heard stories about people completely overhauling their homes after heeding the author’s call to declutter, and though I like to think I run a relatively tight ship around here, I’m always open to ideas about how to live more simply.  The main premise of the book is this:  if you don’t love it, if it doesn’t bring you joy, LET IT GO.  Pretty revolutionary in this day and age of excess, isn’t it?  But I’m nothing if not revolutionary (says the woman who breaks out in hives at the mere thought of change!), so I’ve decided to see what kinds of un-loved things are lurking in the recesses of our closets and cabinets.  One of the primary guidelines for purging is to evaluate your belongings by category rather than location – rather than going through your home room by room, gather all your books or clothes or mementos in one place and go through the pile at one time, so that you get a truer sense of how much you own.  I’ve broken down our stuff into the following categories and hope to tackle one or two bunches a week, with the ultimate goal of handling every single item in our house by the time summer rolls around.

• books
• eating/drinking/cooking wares
• linens and towels
• toiletries
• toys
• art supplies
• papers
• decor items
• mementos/keepsakes
• clothes
• random crap

According to the book, you’re actually supposed to start with clothes, but given the number of things in my closet that I know I’m doomed to part with, I’m not ready to go there.  Books it is, then!  Shane and I aren’t major book collectors, so this should be easy, right?  Right?!

I grabbed every last book in our house and piled them all on the kitchen island today.  I was a little taken aback to see these all stacked up together – I thought I did a solid bookshelf purge a couple of years ago?  I was even more taken aback when I started sifting through the stacks and realized how many novels I’ve been hanging on to that I have no intention of reading again.  In about 45 minutes, I’d weeded out a good third of our collection – what remains are my favorite art and architecture books, about 30 memoirs and novels I love, and a small pile for Jules.  I actually did a second culling as I was putting these away and came up with another 20 titles I was ready to ditch.

Coming soon to Goodwill on Dearborn!

Seven paper bags of books now sit in our downstairs hall, ready to leave our house and never return again.  Our bookshelves are looking wonderfully sparse.  “Life-changing magic” might be a stretch, but this felt good.

I think we’ve officially moved past celebrating each of Juliette’s monthly milestones – when someone asks how old she is, I respond in years now, as I began to lose track of months once we hit the high twenties.  That said, there still seems to be plenty of fodder in my photo library for Jules-themed blog posts, so here’s the latest and greatest!

Her moods and her personality traits seem to become more prominent with time, for better and for worse.  When she’s sweet, good Lord, she’s sweet, like when she wraps her arms around my neck and exclaims, “I love you verrrrrrry much, Mama!”  She and Shane have put Coldplay’s latest album on repeat during their morning and evening commute to daycare, and as they belted out their ooooohhhhhhh oh ooooooohhhhhhh’s to “Amazing Day” last week and Shane reached back at a stoplight to hold Juliette’s hand, she said, “Daddy?  I’m happy.”  She’ll turn you to mush with just two words, that one!

But when she’s feeling defiant and stubborn?  Lord. Have. Mercy.  I just ordered Parenting Without Power Struggles from Amazon, as it seems that she and I are in a perpetual tug-of-war over who’s the boss.  If I hear the phrase “I wanna do it!!!” one more time…  And don’t even think about trying to get an apology out of that kid.  From mush to madness – this is motherhood!

She’s still silly and a little bit rowdy and chock-full of energy, running in circles until she literally jumps into the reading chair for bedtime books (every night, pre-jump:  “Watch me be a wild one, Mama!”).  I do love that spunk!  Sometimes.

We’ve been creeping into big kid territory with equal measures of excitement and trepidation.  I went out to run some errands a couple of weeks ago and came home to find that Shane and Jules had been busy taking the front off her crib and converting it to a toddler bed.  I was wary, thinking we should keep our wild one contained for as long as possible, but she made the transition with very little fuss – didn’t even wake up that first night when she rolled onto the floor!

Potty training has been slightly less successful – she’ll often sit on the toilet before bathtime, but despite the fanfare that follows even the smallest tinkle (see video below), she has yet to be proactive about it.  We’ll keep trying.

I’ve held onto a few of my most cherished childhood toys and I pulled them out last month in a desperate attempt to pass a rainy afternoon without watching seven back-to-back episodes of Daniel Tiger.  Juliette immediately latched on to my decades-old Betsy Wetsy doll, happy to have a new playmate.  When I told her that doll was my special baby when I was a little girl, Juliette officially christened it Mama’s Special Baby – “I wanna sleep with Mama’s Special Baby!  Shhhh…Mama’s Special Baby is crying.  Mama’s Special Baby got a big poo-poo out!”  Eh, I never loved the name Betsy, anyway.

Mama’s Special Baby often joins us for tea parties (holding the engraved sterling silver cup that was gifted to me as when I was born!).

Indoor tea parties are cool and all, but Juliette still digs a trip to the bakery and the neighborhood playground above all else.

I look at these pictures and can’t believe what a little giant she’s become.  When did she stop saying, ” ‘Old you??” and start saying, “Mama, can you please hold me?”  How much longer will I be able to wrap her in a towel after bathtime and carry her up the stairs in my arms, singing “Rock-A-Bye, Baby?”  When did her hair get so long, her legs lose their chub?

Dang, I miss my baby.  But I really love this kid.

I love a good winter walk through the Mercer Slough…

And did I mention those reddish-browns?

This month has felt long.  Heavy at times, often stressful, full of days that were so short on daylight as darkness seemingly stretched on and on and on.

But I look back at my photos and see there were also a few weekend gems in there, days when the sun came out and we braved the cold for a breath of fresh air.  We took a sunset walk at Lincoln Park a couple of weeks ago and were reminded that winter does have its charm, in the form of snow-capped mountains and soft, pink light.

Jules and N found wintertime joy as they frolicked in the snow at Hyak on MLK Jr. Day.  I had to work and missed the fun, but these photos from La Verne were too good not to share!

And thank goodness for last Sunday’s SUNday.  Shane, Jules, and I hopped in the car before lunchtime and jetted toward Seahurst Park to grab some rays and do some beach-combing.  I texted the gang to see if they also needed some Vitamin D.  They did.

Shane’s friend Steve visited us this weekend and we went back to Lincoln Park this morning to brag a little on Seattle’s beauty – Jules and I spent most of yesterday cooped up inside while the guys skied and were clearly in need of some physical activity.

While Shane and Steve waxed on about the ethics of football and the theology of Star Wars, Jules and I threw rocks and looked for shells.

I’m ready to flip that calendar page, but I suppose it turns out January didn’t totally suck.

I usually start out each year with a list of about 20 resolutions, then whittle it down to a select few that address varied realms of self-improvement – something health-focused, something relationship-focused, something creatively-focused, something to scratch my organizational itch…  This year, though, I drew a blank. I cribbed two resolutions from where I fell short in 2015 and then got stuck, unable to focus on the broader picture of the year ahead as I got swept up in January preschool visits (how is it that time already?!), and a work deadline, and then Making A Murderer (watch it!  actually, DON’T.).  After spending some time this weekend mulling over what I want to accomplish in 2016, this is where I landed.  I have this nagging feeling that I’m not being quite ambitious enough, that something’s missing, but these dark rainy days have sucked the moxie right out of me and I’m tapped out.  Maybe I’ll do Resolutions Round 2 in the spring, when I’m not tempted to hit the hay at 8:30 pm every night.  Round 1 is as follows:

Make art with Juliette every week.  I gave this one a shot last year and found it to be harder than expected, but I’m tackling it with renewed vigor.  So far, so good – Juliette and I pulled out the pom pom’s and paint yesterday afternoon, and after dabbing a few orange dots on the paper, she looked up at me and exclaimed with great pride, “I made a duck butt, Mama!  I made a duck butt!”  That was all the incentive I needed to keep the art projects rolling.

Get out of auto-mode with my camera.  Also from last year.  Hoping that 2016 is the year I graduate from occasionally-lucky amateur photographer to well-informed amateur photographer.

No angry-yelling at Juliette.  I’ve actually had this one on my mind for awhile, but felt nervous about putting it down on paper as I feel destined to fail.  I mean, she’s two.  And stubborn as all get-out.  This happens at least once a week: I’m standing by the door holding her coat and she’s looking me right in the eyes with her arms defiantly folded across her chest and I’m saying “please, honey, be a helper” and then I’m suddenly shouting, “JULIETTE GRACE!  WE’RE LATE!  PUT ON YOUR COAT!”  And while the shouting gives me about seven seconds of anger-expelling relief, regret is always quick to follow.  So I’m committing to patience and kindness, reminding myself to just take a minute and walk away when the treachery of toddlerhood is too much to bear.  (A small point of clarification: yelling for the sake of her safety is ok, as in “STOP!  DO NOT RUN INTO THE ROAD!”.  Mild to moderate raising of my voice for the sake of emphasis is also acceptable.)

Develop a go-to list of 28 recipes, focused on whole, healthy foods.  This one shows promise, as it touches on two of my most favorite things: eating and list-making!  Shane and I have made great strides over the past couple of years in purging processed foods from our diet, but I’m finding myself in a cooking rut, cycling through just a few simple go-to recipes again and again.  So I’m upping my kitchen game, venturing a little further into the produce aisle and trying new things.  If we love eating it and love how we feel after eating it, it makes the list.

Here we go, duck butts and all!

Alright, this is it – my final post on 2015 as I have a come-to-Jesus moment with last year’s resolutions.  It’s a little bleak, but I’m nothing if not a work in progress!

Get out of the house SANS BABY with Shane at least once a month.  We did alright on this one – called a sitter a couple of times, took advantage of the grandparents when they came to visit, and pawned Juliette off on our friends when we were really desperate for an evening out.  I’ve found that what’s actually more important than getting out for date nights is making sure that we find regular times during the week to turn off the TV, let the dirty dishes sit for awhile, and check in/plan/spoon.  That said, I could always use more of this…

so we’ll keep at it.

Make art with Juliette.  Sub-par performance on this one, for sure.  We had a few good afternoons with the watercolors and the finger paints, but too often I let the hassle of getting everything out and then having to clean everything up deter me from quality art-time with Juliette.  So I’m renewing my commitment to kid-focused creativity this year, lining up a variety of projects.  I just ordered Jules her first pair of scissors and a bag of 300 pom-pom’s.  No turning back now.  (Seriously, though, can you see why I was a little weary of getting out the paint?!)

Learn how to make the best use my camera.  Fail.  Total fail.  I’m still taking lots of photos, but have yet to shift out of auto-mode, so I’m giving myself a do-over on this one as well, adding it to my list for 2016.  On a more positive note, I did luck out with a few great shots last year.

Be physically active.  Finally!  One I can call a total success!  I completed my first (and probably last) half-marathon in March, hitting my target time after three months of diligent training and one guns-blazing all-out push to the finish.  I decided after the race that long-distance running isn’t my thing, but I’ve found an exercise schedule that works for me since then, mixing running, walking, and at-home barre3 workouts, targeting 30 minutes+ of focused physical activity at least 1/2 the days of each month.  And I feel good.  Fit.  Mission accomplished.

End the year with less stuff in our house than there is right now.  I just finished “project closet purge” and I’m squeaking by with a pass on this one.  Things still feel tight around here, but after ditching 20 half-skeins of yarn, a box of burned CDs (remember when Spotify playlists weren’t even a thing?!), and the snow globe that Shane gave me on our first Valentines Day, I’m definitely feeling lighter, gratified by the presence of empty space in our closets.

And with that, I’m ready to resolution the heck out of 2016.  Stay tuned.

The list-maker in me loves these looks back at 2015, so indulge me one more time!  This is what I read:

This is Ridiculous This is Amazing by Jason Good

Wonder Weeks by Frans X. Plooij

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

Not that Kind of Girl by Lena Dunham

The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

Why We Can’t Wait by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez

Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls

Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

Everything You Ever Wanted by Jillian Lauren

God Help the Child by Toni Morrison

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

It wasn’t a stellar reading year for me – it seemed rare that I was fully engaged in a book.  I lulled a lot on the longer reads (dang you, Goldfinch!) and was disappointed by what I thought would be fun, easy page-turners (Lena Dunham let me down!).  That said, there were still a couple of stand-out gems.

Best books of 2015:  I ended up reading quite a few books focused on justice and race – books that are relevant and important at any time and place, but all the more so given the fact that recent headlines speak of instance after instance of prejudice, oppression, and maltreatment.  I read Why We Can’t Wait over the summer and was rocked by the way Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. boldly defied discrimination with such powerful grace, such selfless love.  Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy was also a reminder that, holy crap, one guy can make a substantive difference.  Honorable mentions to Half Broke Horses for being, just, fun, and to Uncle Tom’s Cabin for putting me through the emotional gamut, from tear-jerking sorrow to hot-blooded indignation.

Worst book of 2015:  Wonder Weeks.  I thought it would be packed with interesting nuggets of insight into what’s happening in Juliette’s quickly-developing brain, but instead it was filled with obvious observations and repetitive anecdotes.  Shoulda skipped it.

On the docket for 2016:  Looking forward to losing myself in the story of All the Light We Cannot See (I’ve heard good things).  Hoping to prompt some intense introspection with My Bright Abyss.  And boldly adding Atlas Shrugged to the list, as it’s been taunting me from my bookshelf for about five years now, intimidating me with its heft.  Bring it.

2016, I’m comin’ for ya, but first, a look back at last year’s faves, to properly memorialize 2015’s goodness:

Favorite movie:

I think we made it to the movies a total of one time last year, but we hit Netflix pretty hard from the comfort of our couch.  We randomly happened upon Tig one night and were hooked from the start – it was refreshing to watch something heartfelt and real, to get a glimpse of this woman’s indefatigable spirit.

Favorite TV show:

This one almost went to Mad Men, but…Parenthood for the win!  Shane, in all his cinematic snobbery, is probably shuddering as he reads this, but I’ll take a sappy Braverman family softball game over Don Draper’s spiral of self destruction any day.

(Honorable mentions to Catastrophe and Girls.)

Favorite podcast:

I’m finally getting on board with this podcast thing, queuing up a list of episodes for my lunchtime walks or my rare moments of solo driving.  My favorites all tend to be the podcasts where you’re really connected to the hosts, where it feels like you’re hanging out with them while they chit-chat and tell stories, and Reply All nailed it several times this year.  PJ and Alex are super-likable guys – I dare you to listen to Today’s the Day without cracking a smile.

Favorite album:

I still remember the day a few months ago when a chat message popped up from Shane on my phone:  “Have you heard Ryan Adams’ new cover of Taylor Swift’s album?!”  I opened up Spotify within seconds and did a search for 1989, and oooooohhhhhhh my word.  I spent the rest of the afternoon texting Shane:  “Oh my gosh – did you listen to Bad Blood?!  Clean is blowing my mind.  This is too good!”  I don’t want to over-hype it, but I’ve been a Ryan Adams groupie for years and a closet Taylor Swift fan for quite some time, and this album kind of rocked my world.

Favorite app:

Wunderlist, Wunderlist, Wunderlist!  I’m a compulsive list-maker, and this app is an organizational fiend’s dream.  I use it to track my personal to-do’s, my work to-do’s, our weekly meal plan, my shopping lists for the grocery store and Target and Costco.  A number of my lists are shared with Shane, so if he’s out running errands and offers to stop at Costco, I just tell him to check the list.  If he’s hanging at home and looking for something to do, he can check our weekly cleaning list and see what needs to be vacuumed or scrubbed (ok, this has never happened, but I can hope!).

Favorite meal:

We didn’t make it out for many fancy meals last year, but as I was flipping through some old photos on my phone, I came across this one from Taylor Shellfish in Pioneer Square and my mouth started to water.  Shane and I dropped Juliette off with the Rusts on his birthday and spent a couple of hours here drinking Cava and slurping oysters and soaking up the broth of steamed clams with a crispy baguettte.  Simple but scrumptious.

Favorite purchase:

Easy call – win goes to the new car!  Loving our Forester.  Not just because of the heated seats and the panoramic sunroof and the relative ease of strapping Juliette into her higher-up carseat, but because it’s caused an unexpected-but-fun change in the way we spend our weekends.  Hey!  We’re mountains-and-snow people now!

Favorite professional moment:

I shared this photo in 2014’s update and talked about how exciting it was to see this project coming together.

And…Ta-da!  It’s done.  It looks amazing.  Standing in the center of this atrium, seeing the light stream in from the skylight that I looked at only on paper for so, so long, watching the researchers move in and out of their labs and collaborate with one another on very meaningful work in a space that I helped design…these are the mountaintop moments of being an architect.

(photo by Hedrich Blessing)

Favorite days:

This was grand:

As was this:

And this video will forever make me grin from ear to ear:

Nicely done, 2015.  Nicely done.