little black journal

A week later, it’s still sinking in that I’m now the mama of a ONE year old.  I can’t even begin to count the number of times people have stopped me as I’ve been out and about with Juliette to remind me that it goes by so fast, this raising kids thing.  I’ve always smiled politely and shrugged off the unsolicited bits of wisdom while gazing down at my wee little baby, but damn it, they’re so, so right.  Gosh, how this past year has flown by.  And now my baby is making her way into waddler-hood, daily asserting her independence as she masters a host of new skills.  I keep getting glimpses of the grown-up girl in Jules as she sheds her chubby cheeks and I wonder, can this possibly be the wrinkly seven-pound newborn we brought home from the hospital a year ago?

The changes feel like they’re coming faster than ever – we’ve been doing some “walking”, and a couple of weeks ago she finally started putting one foot in front of the other.

A week later, I pulled out the little shopping cart a friend had let us borrow, just to see if she could make it more than a step or two on her own.  In the space of a couple of hours, she was motoring all over the house with that thing, even figuring out how to turn it around when she’d driven herself into a corner.  Our baseboards are taking a beating, but it’s worth it for the look of pride on her face.

She’s proven herself to be a fast learner in other ways, too.  I blew her a kiss just once and asked her to return the favor – and she actually did it.  I know, it’s just mimicking a silly gesture, but after working on waving and clapping for weeks, it was cool to see her pick this one up so quickly.

And there are the other times she’s surprised us – like how did she know exactly what to do with her new doll’s pacifier, especially considering Juliette hasn’t used a binky since she was a few months old?

And ummmmm…she’s reading to herself now?!

After months of tearing things apart, pulling toys out of her bin and clothes out of drawers and food out of cupboards, she’s showing interest in putting things back together.  Don’t get me wrong – she’s still a mess-making tornado when she wants to be, but she (and I) are enjoying more and more moments of quiet, contemplative play.  Today I watched her put a ball in a cup, shake it around, pull it out, and put it back in, about 40 times over.  Her stacking cups are her favorite toys – the day she figured out how to put one inside the other was a very good day.

And as she’s getting smarter and faster, she’s getting so much bigger – we ask Juliette nearly every day if she’s gotten taller overnight.  Her blue plastic tub has been relegated to the garage and she’s loving the freedom of the big bath.

She’s still a champion eater – we occasionally have to duke it out over veggies, but for the most part, she’s loves food.  It’s easy to tell when she’s enjoying something, because she’ll make this nom nom mmm mmm mmmmmmm sound as she shovels whatever I’ve prepared into her face – almond butter on anything is always a hit.

She also still loves those swings, particularly when I run behind her and pop back out front in a little game of peek-a-boo.

I spent the last couple of weeks going through all the photos and videos we’ve taken over the past year, compiling them into a movie of the “greatest hits”, and while a piece of my heart aches to feel the weight of that milk-drunk newborn on my chest, a larger part of me is struck with how much fun it’s been to watch her grow, how exciting it is to bear witness to each new milestone.  Our joy has run so much deeper than I ever thought possible.  So cheers to your first year, Jules.  I’m so thankful for the ways you’ve turned our lives upside down.

It was a busy weekend at Chez Schnell, with visitors and sight-seeing and birthday festivities!  The good times started rolling on Thursday morning, when Shane’s mom and sister arrived from Minnesota.  We all convened at Columbia City Bakery for coffee and croissants – Jules took an instant liking to her Aunt Tiff.

After letting our guests get settled, we headed to West Seattle to grab lunch and play on the sand at Alki Beach.  Summer is definitely going out with a bang here, with lots of sun and perfect temps.

We celebrated my mother-in-law’s birthday that evening at Tutta Bella – Jules is a big fan of their Happy Hour meatball special, and I have a weakness for their five-dollar glass of bubbly.

We capped off the day with ice cream at Full Tilt – I don’t know if it’s the horizontal stripes or the fact that I can’t resist sharing my dessert with her, but Juliette is looking a little rounder around the middle these days!

This was Tiff’s first time in Seattle, so we spent Friday afternoon downtown, showing her the sights.  We started with coffee on the 40th floor of the Columbia Tower.

And then strolled through Pike Place Market, stopping for lunch at Steelhead Diner.

We spent the rest of the day at home, eating and drinking and doting on the baby.  It was such a joy to watch Juliette soak up all that grandma and auntie love.

Saturday morning we drove up to Jefferson Park to while away the morning on the playground - Jules wasn’t so sure about this slide a couple of months ago, but now?  Total hit.  She’s getting adventurous, that girl.

Grandma’s pretty wild, herself!

We drove out to Woodinville on Saturday afternoon to do some winetasting at Novelty Hill and Columbia Winery.  I wasn’t so sure that bringing a baby to a winery was kosher, but we gave it a go and actually ended up a seeing a few other kids out for an afternoon tasting.  We found a shady spot in the grass at both places to stretch out and sip our whites.

And while we tasted the menu, Juliette tasted the menu.  Seriously, this girl’s favorite food is paper these days.

We had dinner that night at Big Chickie, our neighborhood’s newest hot spot.  The chicken was perfectly done and the outdoor seating area was hoppin’ – we’ll be hitting this place as often as we can while the evenings are still warm!

Sunday was a big day – a pretty special little someone was born a year ago!  The birthday festivities started with bedhead and blueberry pancakes.

And then presents!  Books and clothes, a soccer ball and a big bag of Legos – she tore into the wrapping and gift bags like a pro, stopping only momentarily to crawl into one of the boxes and eat the tissue paper.

Grandma gave Jules her first baby doll – we’ve never seen her play with a doll before, but she was immediately taken with it.

She pulled the baby Violet right out of the box and went to give her a kiss.

Or…eat her face.  Mommas – keep your newborns away from this one.

She’ll be stylin’ in her new peacoat this fall!

We loaded up the car on Sunday afternoon with cupcakes and beach balls for Miss Juliette’s big bash at Seward Park.  Clearly, she was pretty jazzed about being the center of attention.

She had a blast cruising around the lake with Gryffin.

And then…cake!  She didn’t quite know what to do when we first set that mound of frosting in front of her.

But once that first taste of sugar hit her lips, she wasn’t shy about digging in.  Enjoy it, kiddo – you’re getting a double-dose of broccoli for dinner every night this week.

We felt so lucky to have our Minnesota family and our Seattle family present to celebrate the day.

How old are you, Jules?

And with that, my baby was one.  ONE.  I’m feeling all kinds of crazy about it – melancholy but thankful, nostalgic for what’s gone but also a little bit relieved that the newborn days are behind us.  Proud of the girl she’s becoming and excited for what lies ahead.  How quickly she’s changing (that’s a whole other blog post…).  Happy, happy birthday, stinkpot.

Shane is not one for moderation.  When he orders a pizza, he wants to eat the whole thing in one sitting.  When he decided several years ago that he wanted to take up running, he thought registering for a marathon would be a good place to start.  And when Jack asked him and Jason a couple of months ago to take part in a 100-MILE bike ride near Deception Pass, Shane jumped at the challenge.

I’ll admit, I’ve been slightly less than supportive about the whole thing.  All the bike gear purchases, the Saturday mornings spent pounding out the training miles while Jules and I were left to fend for ourselves, the post-ride aching back and muscle spasms that left him laid up.  I didn’t expect his race would be so tough on me!  And so all of us, die-hard bikers and hard-core mamas, decided to turn race weekend into a special little getaway at an incredible rental house in Bellingham.  We rolled up to the house on Friday afternoon – as we walked through the lush front yard, complete with a waterfall, I knew we were in for something good.

And then…BAM!  We stepped through the front door and were greeted with a panoramic view of the water – the deck was insane.

The kiddos were eager to explore the house, which meant pulling all the books off the coffee table and then pounding out a few tunes on the piano.

We had our own little happy hour out on the patio with white wine and fresh oysters.  Once the kids were in bed, we popped open another couple of bottles to enjoy with Jack’s famous spaghetti and meatballs.

As we watched the sun set over the bay, I realized I can’t imagine ever living anywhere other than the Pacific Northwest.

We watched the stars come out and then turned in early on Friday, as the guys had to get an early start the next day.  Correction: some of us turned in early.  As Shane was laying out his race clothes before bed, he realized he’d left his bike shorts at home!  He and Jack made a 10:30 pm dash to Walmart in desperate hopes of finding a replacement; Walmart didn’t come through, but Jack did – he got in touch with a friend that was joining them the next day and asked him to bring a spare pair.  Crisis averted!

The bikers headed out at 6 am on Saturday and the rest of us spent a leisurely morning at the house.  After naptime, Juliette and I joined La Verne and Nico on a trip into town to check out the Bellingham farmer’s market.  We grabbed lunch from a food stand there and then swung by Fairhaven on the way back, treating the babies to a taste of our strawberry rhubarb ice cream.

Nico has just started walking and is so adorably proud of himself with each step he takes.

When the guys returned that afternoon, they were a little sweaty and a little stiff, but also giddy over their impressive pace – turns out they had finished in first place!  (Shane – this is where I apologize for not being more supportive and tell you that I’m really, really proud of you…).

The kids ate their dinner out on the deck while we all put our feet up.

And then Juliette ran shirtless for the evening, after painting her tank top with spaghetti sauce…

Gosh, these boys are sweet to Jules – especially Gryffin, who is so quick to snuggle her and to make sure she always has an assortment of toys at her fingertips.

Leave it to Jack to bike 100 miles and then cook dinner for all of us.

Again, we dined on the patio and watched the sun set and chatted until the guys could hardly keep their eyes open.

We were all up bright and early on Sunday.  Catching the misty pink light of dawn was decent consolation for not being able to sleep in.

The childless dinnertime chats were pretty great, but I also loved the mornings as we all roamed around the house, drinking coffee while the kids played and read books in their PJs.  Felt so much like we’re one big family.

And breakfast mimosas made the mornings that much better!

I didn’t get to do quite as much quiet porch-lounging as I’d hoped, but I didn’t mind – Juliette was a lot of fun to hang with this weekend.

It felt good to have our goofy, smiling little girl back after the tough time she’d had in California!

The Rusts rolled out for a family hike around 11 and we headed out around noon, not wanting to leave a minute earlier than the required checkout time.  Thanks, gentlemen, for putting in all those miles on your bikes so that I could eat oysters and ice cream.  I suppose I actually made out pretty well in this whole deal.

On Friday morning we picked up our rental car and drove like banshees to Turlock, knowing that Juliette’s back seat nap would only last so long.  I was so, so excited to reconnect with Amanda and baby Sadie, who was only 4 weeks old when I saw her in April of last year.  Amanda and I picked up right where we left off, as we always do, but my goodness, where was that newborn I had cradled in my arms 16 months ago?!

Sadie is the sweetest, kindest toddler I’ve ever met.  She took an immediate liking to Juliette, lavishing her with hugs…

And “helping” to rinse her hair during bathtime.

We spent much of the weekend just hanging out at Amanda and Josh’s – Juliette was thrilled to roam so freely and play with such a variety of toys after five days in a hotel room with a water bottle and a single Hot Wheels car.  But there were a few people on our must-see list, so we scheduled a park date with Steve on Saturday morning…

And then grabbed lunch with Marco and Lisa in the afternoon.

Amanda invited a few of our friends over for dinner on Saturday night.  Shane picked up a heaping load of tacos from his favorite taco truck and we all hung out in the backyard while a tornado of children swirled around us.  I snapped this photo just as C (up front) was giving orders that Shane would play the part of Ursula in their game of The Little Mermaid.  Shane is amazing with kids, but she really had him stumped on this one!

Hams!

These two got along so splendidly…

This was my first time meeting chill baby Kate, who snoozed so peacefully in the midst of all the mayhem.

Hey ladies!

Sunday morning came all too fast and it was time for us to pack up our things and head home.  It’s always hard for me to say good-bye to Amanda, but this farewell felt especially tough, and I know how much we’ll miss watching each other’s daughters grow.

We made it to the airport in record time while Juliette snoozed in the car.  Check-in went smoothly, we boarded on time, and we were Seattle-bound!  Jules was a little squirmy at first, but eventually fell asleep in my arms.  Praise Jesus.

I know, worst family photo ever, but it tells an important story:  traveling with a baby is exhausting!  We look so much worse for the wear after our “time off” than we did before it.

Home sweet home was sweeter than ever – Juliette slept for 13 hours on Sunday night in the comfort of her crib and napped for a solid four hours on Monday.  I’m still trying to kick my dang cold and am happy to have my favorite tea and my coziest blanket at my fingertips.  Am I glad we made the trip?  Absolutely.  But I believe our frequent flyer days are behind us – it might be awhile before we have the energy for another vacation!

Wowwweeeee, what a trip.  The cold and flu fairies really threw us for a loop, but we pressed on and had a great, though exhausting, week in California.

Juliette awoke in a decent mood on Tuesday, so after saying good-bye to Shane we headed over to Mission Street to pick up a Blue Bottle latte and eat breakfast at this cool little plaza, next to a giant, “friendly” monster head.

By 9:00, Jules was fading fast, so we jetted back to the room for naptime.  She woke up feverish and a little cranky, but perked up as I let her romp around the king-sized bed – all those pillows!  And that soft down comforter!  I think she really felt like she was getting the shaft in her little Pack N Play.

Fever be damned, we set out together to grab lunch at Jane on Larkin and then trek through Japantown and up Filmore to Alta Plaza Park.  It was a slog, pushing that stroller up San Francisco’s hilly streets, but man, talk about a playground with a view!  Juliette and I played for awhile and then found ourselves a sunny spot on the grass to sit back and enjoy the lookout.

We took our time winding our way back to the hotel, stopping to window-shop and pick up an iced coffee.  The only up-side to Juliette’s cold-induced lethargy was her willingness to contentedly hang out in the stroller as we walked circles around the city.  She’s usually a bit antsy if she’s buckled in for more than 20 minutes, but last week she quietly chilled out as we logged mile after mile.

And man, I really loved showing San Francisco to her – all the colors and smells, the ornate fire escapes and the canyon-like streets between skyscrapers, the urban buzz that you can’t quite find in Seattle.  I hope she grows up to love the city as much as her dad and I do.

We met up with Shane in the evening to grab a few tacos for dinner and then Jules was ready to call it a night.  Shane had a pretty packed schedule, with sessions all day and then parties “networking events” at night,  but I appreciated him always being around to help with bedtime, to give Jules her bath and read her a bedtime story.  Or the San Francisco Chronicle.  Whatever works.

We got a slow start on Wednesday morning, as Juliette hadn’t slept all that well and still hadn’t kicked that dang fever.  But we eventually made it out the door, in need of fresh air and breakfast (and coffee, for the love of God, coffee!), and found ourselves at Red Door Coffee.  We found a great little table, my latte was perfect, and Jules quietly sat on my lap like an angel baby as she ate her yogurt.  Things were looking up.  Until the manager came over and very politely asked us to leave, as the coffee shop was a 21 and over venue, 24 hours a day.  We quickly packed up our things and walked out, feeling embarrassed and frustrated and a little bit homesick for our beloved Columbia City Bakery.  Thankfully, we found solace in the waterfall and a sunny bench at Yerba Buena Gardens.

Our Park du Jour was Washington Square Park, about a mile north of the hotel.  We ate lunch on the grass there while watching some dogs run around and listening to a couple of guys in construction vests and hard hats play a saxophone and guitar.

We packed up our things after lunch and walked further north to Fisherman’s Wharf.   I really wanted Juliette to see the sea lions, as this was one of my favorite San Francisco sights as a kid.  She was not impressed.

But the carousel!  Now we’re talkin’.  We stood here for awhile and just watched the horses go ’round.  Anything for that girl.

From Pier 39, we took a long walk along the waterfront, as I wanted to go back to the Ferry Building to pick up a vase from Heath Ceramics that I had my eye on.

Again, Jules proved herself to be the perfect walking companion.

So again, I treated us to ice cream!  Jules, hold the cone while I take a picture.  Or…just go ahead and stick the whole thing in your mouth.

We ate dinner that night in the Mission at Pizzeria Delfina – this place has become an SF staple for us.

As we tucked Juliette in that night, I started to feel a little tickle in my throat.  Uh-oh.  By 9:00 I was feeling feverish and achy.  Double uh-oh.  I had a horribly restless night as I struggled to cool down, then warm up, then cool down, praying in the midst of all my tossing and turning that God would please, please, please have mercy on me and make this a quick little bug.  Shane headed out at 6 am to pick up some cold medication and I quickly dosed myself up – we had tickets for a 12:45 Giants game and I was bound and determined not to miss it.  We all headed out for breakfast together once the meds kicked in and then Juliette and I went back to the hotel to grab a nap.  Thankfully, her fever had finally broken once she woke up, and the rash that was appearing on her belly confirmed what the nurse I’d talked to on Tuesday suspected – she’d caught a case of roseola, characterized by several days of fever followed by a non-itchy rash.  My own spirits and symptoms were lifted by Juliette’s upswing and the three of us set out for AT&T park for baby’s first Giants game!

Juliette was amused by the game for the first three innings, sitting quietly on our laps and staring wide-eyed at the people and the ball field and the cotton candy vendors.  She clapped when everyone else clapped and was only minorly alarmed when Shane threw her in the air after Gregor Blanco’s home run.  We’re going to make a baseball fan out of this kid!

Shane had brilliantly bought us club level tickets, so when the game lost its charm, we headed inside for lunch.  Innings 4-7 were spent bouncing back and forth from our seats to the club level, as Jules became increasingly antsy.   Finally he strapped her into the Ergo – one loop around the park was all it took for this girl to be OUT.

She snoozed through the end of the game, but we were thrilled just to have made it to the ninth inning.  And to see a win!  There’s nothing like being swept out onto AT&T plaza in a sea of happy fans in orange and black.

We made it back to the room around 5:00 and called it a day.  Juliette and I were both completely beat – my cold was rearing its ugly head and Juliette was just plain worn out after four days of short naps and restless nights.  We did our best to keep her content until her normal bedtime, but ultimately tucked her in at 6:30.

We said farewell to our room at the Grand Hyatt on Friday morning – we were certainly going to miss this view.  But the close quarters?  Not so much…

I still curse the germs that got us sick, but we were leaving San Francisco with some incredible memories.  Even in the midst of the fevers and the tiredness and the cafe eviction, Juliette and I still had a blast together – as we were sitting along the waterfront on Monday, sharing our ice cream, I was struck by how much I enjoy hanging out with my daughter as she makes the transition from helpless babe to fun-loving companion.  And oh, how I love showing her the world, even when it’s tiring and inconvenient and upsets our schedule.  She won’t remember this trip, but I will, and I’ll tell her how she lit up when I handed her that ice cream cone, how happy she was to sit in the grass overlooking the city, how she clapped with the crowd when Petit struck out batter after batter.  I forgive you, baby, for the nights you woke up at 2:00 and wouldn’t settle until 4:00, popping up over and over while your dad and I tried (and failed) to ignore you from two feet away.  It was all worth it.  I think.

Next stop, Turlock!

There are really only a few things I miss about our pre-kid days – Saturday morning sleep-ins top that list, but travel is a close second.  If we were braver, more easy-going parents we would just jet-set with baby in tow, but the thought of the packing and the plane ride and the early bedtime-imposed curfew has deterred us from venturing any farther than Portland…until now!  On Sunday we boarded a plane bound for San Francisco – Shane had registered for a work-related conference and Jules and I decided to test our travel mojo and tag along.

We left our house at 8 am sharp, proud of ourselves for packing lightly enough that we were able to wrangle everything onto lightrail without much fuss.  We had timed our flight during Juliette’s morning naptime, hoping she would fall asleep during takeoff and snooze for most of the trip, but pssshhhh.  How could she sleep when she had Mom and Dad at her beck and call, ready and willing to pump her full of snacks and read her every one of the three books we had packed 15 times over?  She knew she had us over a barrel and wasn’t going to do anything she didn’t want to.  But it was fine – we settled for a 20-minute doze and let it go at that, as she was generally pretty happy (and quiet!).

We took a cab to the hotel from the airport and have never been so relieved to hear those four magic words:  “Your room is ready”.  After six hours of being strapped in her stroller and held in our laps, Juliette was on the verge of going bonkers – we walked in the door and set her loose.  She flew around the room like a tornado, tipping over the garbage can, throwing the bedside magazines on the floor, testing out the swivel of the desk chair, and then pausing just for a moment to take in the view from the 24th floor.

After a pretty impressive struggle, she finally crashed for a two-hour nap and woke up ready to take on the town.  The three of us walked through the evening bustle of Chinatown and landed at Tacolicious in North Beach for dinner.  Shane loved the chorizo tacos and I went a little nuts over the churros and chocolate.  Jules might have overdone it on the made-to-order guacamole.

We took our time walking back to the hotel, enjoying the warm glow of the city as the sun set on SF.

We stayed out until 7:45 (!) and then headed back for bathtime, books, and bed.  We’ve still been squeezing Juliette into her blue plastic tub at home, thinking she needed the stability, but it turns out she’s ready to bathe like a big kid!

By 8:15 the baby was asleep and we were officially in for the night.  Thank goodness for a view, at least…

Shane and I climbed under the covers and plugged our headphones into the laptop to watch an episode of West Wing – it was kind of nice, actually, turning in so early.  I guess sleep trumps cocktails these days.

Jules and I walked with Shane over the Moscone Center on Monday morning and said goodbye to him as he headed into his all-day conference.  My stomach flipped just a little as he walked away – baby and I were on our own in a city I really don’t know all that well.  What would we do with ourselves?  Coffee and pastries seemed like a good place to start, so we grabbed a latte, an almond croissant and some yogurt and sat on the patio at La Boulange.

We walked around for awhile and then went back to our room for a mid-morning nap – Juliette had come down with a fever in the middle of the night (this girl’s colds have the WORST timing!) and she desperately needed some rest.  Oh, my poor baby…

She seemed to be on the upswing when she woke up and we were both a little stir-crazy, so I buckled her into her stroller and we set out for Sue Bierman playground, near the waterfront.  I did my best to sanitize both Jules and the swing she sat in and we spent awhile taking part in her favorite pastime.

When she (okay, I) tired of the swings, we staked out a spot on the grass to eat blueberries and watch some kids play soccer.

The Ferry Building was right across the street from the park, so we walked over there to browse the shops offering artisan cheeses and hand-crafted ceramics.  I bought some ice cream at Humphrey Slocombe and the two of us sat on a bench facing the water to watch the ferries go by.  My cayenne cantaloupe sorbet was perfection, paired with a scoop of horchata which Jules was more than happy to help me finish off.

We both took a short afternoon snooze back at the hotel and then met up with Shane for an early dinner during a break between his sessions.  Juliette and I popped into a couple of stores on our way back to the hotel, and then it was time once again to start the bath-books-bed routine.  Shane made it back in time to tuck her in, and I tucked myself in shortly thereafter.  Juliette’s fever had bummed me out a bit, and I was still cursing the slammed hallway door that woke her from her afternoon nap, but hey, we were rolling with the punches.  San Francisco had come through in a clutch with swing sets, ice cream, and sunshine!

Happy 11 months, Jules!  Ooooohhhhh, 11 months – I can feel that first birthday looming on the horizon!  But we won’t go there yet – instead, let’s talk about about my sweet little, little, baby, mmmm k?

I mentioned in month 10 that Juliette was becoming increasingly strong-willed and determined – she continues to keep us on our toes.  Her daily written reports from daycare often include adjectives like “vocal” and “expressive” and, my favorite, “spicy”.  We’re rolling with the occasional hissy-fits, though, because for the most part it’s a blast to see our girl’s personality really shine through.  Mealtime has become The Juliette Schnell Variety Hour, as Shane and I are constantly chuckling over her myriad of facial expressions and hand gestures and exclamations.

She’s a fast little bugger now, zipping all over the house on her hands and knees.  We installed a baby gate upstairs so she’s free to wander between her room and ours while I’m getting dressed or putting laundry away.  She loves hide and go seek – I’ll call to her from the other room and then listen for that sweet clomp-clomping sound of her top-speed crawl.  She grins when she rounds that corner and sees me crouched by the bed, arms open.  Then she’ll climb right into my lap, give me a good three-second snuggle, and she’s off again!

She’s pulling herself up to standing now on any available table/chair/couch/drawer.  And she’s standing up in her crib nearly every time I go in to get her after naptime, looking very regal with her sleepsack draped around her feet.  We shall call her Queen Jules.

Juliette has become quite the little water bug, thrilled with any opportunity we give her to splash and swim and eat sand.  She got a kick out of being sprinkled at the Pratt spray park a couple of weeks ago.

And now that Lake Washington has warmed up a bit, she loves sitting on the beach at Madrona or Seward and feeling the waves wash over her legs.

We headed over to Seward Park on Monday for an evening dip to beat the 90+ temps – Jules was thankful for a respite from the heat.

And on Saturday we hit the pool – Jules happily cruised around in her little floaty for 45 minutes.  When I first blew up that dinky raft, I couldn’t believe I’d spent $15 dollars on.  Turns out it was totally worth it.

I feel like we’re daily watching our words and our actions and our rituals make a little more sense to her.  Her plastic comb has always been one of her favorite things to chew on, but a couple of weeks ago she actually used it to comb her hair.  Yesterday we watched her pick my sock up off the floor and try to put it on her foot.  Pretty soon I’ll be sending her into the kitchen to make her own dang dinner!

She’s become very resourceful, too, often making use of her mouth as a third hand so that she can hang onto her favorite toy while still crawling about!

And then there are the sweet little remnants of babyhood that still bring us so much joy, like her signature snort and squishy face.

And the way she’ll often fall asleep in my arms while nursing, and then snooze with her head against my shoulder before I lay her down in her crib.

And the chub!  Those rolls are the stuff of a mama’s dreams.

Those baby blues are as blue as ever…

Swing-time shenanigans!

And my word, she’s still so beautiful.  Happy almost-year, baby.

It’s been a great week.  I had a productive three days at work, Jules and I reveled in nearly every sun-shiny minute of our mama-daughter time on Thursday and Friday, we’ve hit the lake and the playground and the neighborhood diner as a family this weekend, we’ve hung out on the back porch and eaten burgers and corn on the cob and grilled peaches with fresh whipped cream – life is pretty grand these days.

And yet…in the midst of all this good stuff I’ve felt this intense, nagging sense of anxiety bubbling right under the surface.  Like I could cry at any moment, like I can’t fully catch my breath.  It started on Sunday night, when I went to the fridge to label and pack up Juliette’s bottles for the next day and realized just how little milk I’d pumped over the prior three days – I sighed as I dug into our freezer stock, feeling discouraged by my quickly-decreasing supply.  And then I teetered on the edge of a meltdown on Wednesday when I went to visit Jules at lunch and said good-bye to her favorite teacher, who has taken a job elsewhere – Jules and I have both become so attached to her over the past few months.  My stomach flip-flopped when I got an email from daycare on Friday afternoon that said they thought Juliette was ready to move up into the next classroom, that come September 2nd she’ll be leaving the nursery and hanging out with the waddlers all day.  She’ll be sitting at a table for meals and feeding herself and taking one nap a day, at the same time as all the other kids.  Shane came home that evening and hadn’t even set his bag down before I looked up at him and burst into tears.  “They’re moving her up!  No more bottles and no more highchairs and no more napping whenever she wants!  She’s not reeeeaaaaaady!”  Shane agreed – the thought of our little girl, our baby, sitting at a table seems absurd.  But…she is pulling herself up to standing every chance she gets, starting to test her balance on her wobbly legs.  And she is doing more and more self-feeding, preferring bits of meat of veggies and cheese to her purees.  And in this new classroom she’ll get the chance to go out for walks to the playground a couple of times a day, which certainly beats staying indoors.  So…is she really not ready?  Or am I not ready?  Probably the latter.  Mostly.

My baby’s gettin’ all growed up.  And it’s making me incredibly sad.

There’s a long list of things I decidedly don’t miss about her newborn days – the rivers of spit-up, the 2 am marathon bouncing sessions, the swaddling and re-swaddling and re-re-swaddling as she wiggled out of her blanket, that pang of anxiety I felt every time we left the house.  But then there are those precious memories that have already become fuzzy around the edges, like the way she’d sprawl across my chest and completely crash after a long feeding, or the way she’d sleep with her arms stretched straight out in front of her, like she was conducting an orchestra in her dreams.  I miss draping her over my shoulder, carrying her with her head nuzzled into the side of my neck.  I might be talking crazy here, but I even miss the overwhelming newness of parenthood, those first few months of getting to know our daughter, when every new sound or facial expression sent us over the moon.  I talked to my mom and dad last night about my melancholy longing for days gone by, and they reminded me that parenthood is a lifelong process of letting go – they recalled how hard it was to say good-bye to me once they’d settled me into my new dorm at college, how it felt to watch me board a plane to France for my year abroad.  Sooooo, I thought, I’m facing decades more of this?!  That was hardly comforting.  But they also said how wonderful it is that Juliette is thriving, that it’s a sign that Shane and I are doing something right.  Our helpless little seven-pound babe has tripled her weight and mastered that goofy rockstar grin and learned how to crawl because we have fed her and lavished love upon her and cheered her on at every bend in the road.  And to be honest, the cheering is awfully fun (particularly now that she mimics our claps and often cheers with us, smiling a silly Yay Me! smile when she does something new).  We spent this afternoon at Seward Park, and as I watched Juliette happily cruise around the water in the float toy that a sweet little girl let us borrow, I found such joy in seeing her kick her chubby legs and experience something new.  I saw flash-forwards of teaching her how to swim and read and ride a bike, and I felt a surprising rush of excitement for all that lies ahead.

And then she started to bob toward the shore and I grabbed her and brought her close to me, because gosh, I’m not ready to let go.  I still really really miss our baby.

It’s been a grand few days – loads of sun, burgers hot off the grill (a couple of times!), and lots of quality time with my mom, who left today after a week-long visit.

Jules was pretty stoked to have Grandma join us on our Thursday bakery date.  I was thrilled to see her quickly warm up to my mom – partly because it was so sweet to see them light up each other’s faces, but also because I appreciated the help lugging around my increasingly heavy little girl.

On Friday we got our coffee fix at Cafe Vita…

And spent an hour laying in the sun at Lakewood Park, watching the clouds float by and popping over to the swings when Jules got antsy.

Shane, Jules, and I spent Friday evening at Safeco Field for my company picnic.  We took part in the pre-game funk of hot dogs and beer…and then left half-way through the first inning, as Jules started to show the first signs of a meltdown.  This is our life now, I suppose – baby’s sleep trumps all.  Still, it was a beautiful evening at the ballpark!

Saturday afternoon we set out for Seward Park to dip our toes in the water (that belly!)…

And meet up with my cousin Kelsey, who’s visiting from Maryland.  We picnicked on the grass and then took a long walk up through the woods.  80 degrees, beautiful blue water, views of downtown and Mount Rainier, dappled sunlight in cool, shady forests?  Kelsey and her boyfriend quickly fell in love with the PNW.

We dined al fresco at home last night – turns out Juliette is a big fan of outdoor eating (probably because she can throw her food on the floor without mama making a fuss).

We capped off the day with one last go on the swings at the neighborhood playground.

Breakfast at Geraldines has become something of a weekend tradition for us – we grabbed a (big) bite there this morning before my mom caught her train down to Oregon.

I’m always a little down when my mom leaves, but Juliette doesn’t have a lot of patience for my moping around, so after saying our good-byes we were off to Luther Burbank for a park pick-me-up.  Jules was really into playing in the water this time around – we had so much fun splish-splashing in the lake, sitting in the sand and feeling the miniature waves lap at our toes.

Chilling out under a tree eating strawberries with dad was pretty great, too.

Shane and Jack powered through a 42-mile bike ride to Red Hook Brewery this afternoon and then La Verne and I met them there with the babies.  We toasted to a perfect weekend with beer and burgers – happy, happy SUNday, folks!

I think I’ve said every month that this parenting gig just keeps getting better and better.  And then…we hit month 10.

Ok, that’s perhaps a little overly dramatic.  Our baby girl is still full of plenty of sweet smiles and silly spunk, but she’s also showing the first signs of serious attitude, wailing when she doesn’t get her way and tossing her eggs on the floor when she decides she’d rather have strawberries for dinner.  I understand she’s a little young to be told to mind her manners, but c’mon kid!  I scrambled those eggs (and cleaned that floor) with love!  JUST EAT IT.  (Please.)

But back to sweet and silly!  She really is a riot – she’s up to all kinds of new shenanigans, constantly drawing forth laughter and applause from Shane and I.  Emily let us borrow this little music table, and although the irritatingly catchy ABC song rings in our heads for days on end, we still pull it out all the time for Jules to play with, because look at that goofy grin and head bop!

She figured out how to push herself up from laying to sitting about three weeks ago and it seems like she’s hardly been horizontal since.  Diaper and clothes changes have become an aerobic workout for the both of us, as she kicks and wiggles and squirms the minute we lay her down.  She seemed a little bewildered the first time she sat up in her crib after a nap – we watched on her monitor, and she just looked around for several minutes, like she was seeing her room from a whole new perspective.

This new popping-up thing meant it was time to adjust that mattress height and move the monitor out of reach.  I was a little heartbroken when I laid her in her crib the night we lowered her mattress – I leaned over to give her a goodnight kiss and realized my lips couldn’t reach her, she was so far down in there!  Seems like it wasn’t that long ago that we were putting our swaddled little caterpillar to bed, knowing we’d come in later to find her in exactly the same spot we left her.  And now our little rascal is threatening to escape!

She’s such a busy, busy bee.  Army crawling is suddenly for chumps – she’s motoring around on all fours, quick to go after whatever she’s got her eye on (again, Mr. Fox gets the shaft).

Shane caught her first cruising session on camera this past weekend – she kind of looks like a drunk baby deer on those wobbly legs, but I expect she’ll be running around in no time.

The fact that she can get around so well has made life both easier and harder.  Easier, because when she wants to join me in the kitchen while I’m getting lunch ready, she just crawls on over, rather than fussing as she waits for me to come get her.  But harder, because suddenly everything at a height of two feet and lower is fair game for grabby baby hands.  I certainly don’t keep my cookie stash on the bottom shelf anymore!

We’re just coming off a pretty hot streak of weather (hence the fact she’s not wearing any clothes in any of the above videos), so we’ve been regularly hitting the wading pools and beaches, trying to get Juliette used to being in water outside of the bathtub.  The Volunteer Park wading pool was a hit – she had a great time chilling in the sun with her little buddies.

She was a bit more skeptical about the waves at Chism Beach Park.  She tolerated putting her toes in, but every time I sat her down in the sand, she looked up at me with her poutiest why would you do that? face.

 

Papa still takes the cake as the funniest guy in town.  Jules was in pretty bad shape on Wednesday evening after a day of super-short naps, but Shane easily turned that frown upside down with a little peek-a-boo.

Oh, that hair!

And those eyes!

Happy ten months, baby!  I’ll work on embracing your…errr…determined side.  You work on eating those eggs.  Deal?