little black journal

Yesterday was my birthday, but we did the bulk of our celebrating today, with brunch and two park visits and a little me-time and then dinner with friends.  It was a great day.  Such a great day, in fact, that I couldn’t limit my snapshots to just 10 favorites…thus, here’s 16 on 10!

Volunteer Park Cafe might be a new go-to breakfast spot – such a cozy vibe in there.  Juliette was clearly a fan!

Who’s that guy out there?

Fall is in full-swing.  And I love it.

Park fix.

Buddies!

Her hair matches these autumn leaves so perfectly.

Walkin’.

I slipped away this afternoon for a little treat.

Such a luxury these days…

Liking this color combo.

Kubota love.

SERIOUS Kubota love.

Higher, dad, higher!

First-ever ride on papa’s shoulders.

No hands!

Dinner with the gang.

With that, I’ve got a salted caramel macaron and a cup of mint tea calling my name…  Over and out.

We donned our swimsuits and dipped our toes in Lake Washington for the last time a couple of weeks ago – it was a scant too chilly to really enjoy a swim, but we felt like we needed to properly memorialize the end of summer with bare shoulders and watermelon slices.  It’s been such a fun, active, gloriously warm three months, as we’ve played and picnicked through nearly every park in a 10-mile radius of us.

So of course, September 21st left me feeling a little nostalgic and wallow-y – Juliette might never wear her green-striped swimsuit again, or her trusty pink and white sunhat.  She won’t ever sit on the shore of Lake Washington and flap her arms in the same way as the water laps over those chubby baby thighs I love so much.  Dinners on the back patio are on an indefinite hiatus.  But we’re not ready to hole up and call it quits on the great outdoors just yet.  We pulled out our sweatshirts and hit the Madison Park playground last week to take their swings for a test drive.

We’ve gone a little crazy with the slo-mo setting on our iPhones’ cameras – case in point:

Seward Park still welcomes us with open arms, though we traded in our spot on the beach last weekend for this lovely expanse of lawn up on the inner loop.

Indulge me in one more slo-mo…

And hey, the sun still shines at Jefferson Park!

Plus, there’s the excitement of post-season baseball to keep our spirits high – on Wednesday we watched our Giants beat the Pirates in the wild card playoff!  Juliette was mildly alarmed as Shane and I whooped and jumped over Crawford’s grand slam, but when we asked her for high-fives, she happily obliged.

Then there was Saturday’s six-hour hum-dinger of a game against the Nationals – Juliette napped through the first couple of innings and was in bed by the time the fifteenth rolled around, but she chilled with Shane and I for quite a bit of it.  Can you say Sweep those Nats, baby?

After yesterday’s MLB marathon, we tried to spend as much time outdoors today as possible – we passed part of the afternoon at Mt. Baker park, tossing leaves in the air and going down the slide a dozen times over.  Summer in Seattle can’t be beat, but these golden October days sure are beautiful.  And ahhhh…it was warm today – we eventually pulled off Juliette’s jacket and shoes and let her play barefoot in the grass before taking her on a jog around Seward Park.

So happy Fall, Jules!  It’s gonna be a good one.

Wowwweeeee, what a trip.  The cold and flu fairies really threw us for a loop, but we pressed on and had a great, though exhausting, week in California.

Juliette awoke in a decent mood on Tuesday, so after saying good-bye to Shane we headed over to Mission Street to pick up a Blue Bottle latte and eat breakfast at this cool little plaza, next to a giant, “friendly” monster head.

By 9:00, Jules was fading fast, so we jetted back to the room for naptime.  She woke up feverish and a little cranky, but perked up as I let her romp around the king-sized bed – all those pillows!  And that soft down comforter!  I think she really felt like she was getting the shaft in her little Pack N Play.

Fever be damned, we set out together to grab lunch at Jane on Larkin and then trek through Japantown and up Filmore to Alta Plaza Park.  It was a slog, pushing that stroller up San Francisco’s hilly streets, but man, talk about a playground with a view!  Juliette and I played for awhile and then found ourselves a sunny spot on the grass to sit back and enjoy the lookout.

We took our time winding our way back to the hotel, stopping to window-shop and pick up an iced coffee.  The only up-side to Juliette’s cold-induced lethargy was her willingness to contentedly hang out in the stroller as we walked circles around the city.  She’s usually a bit antsy if she’s buckled in for more than 20 minutes, but last week she quietly chilled out as we logged mile after mile.

And man, I really loved showing San Francisco to her – all the colors and smells, the ornate fire escapes and the canyon-like streets between skyscrapers, the urban buzz that you can’t quite find in Seattle.  I hope she grows up to love the city as much as her dad and I do.

We met up with Shane in the evening to grab a few tacos for dinner and then Jules was ready to call it a night.  Shane had a pretty packed schedule, with sessions all day and then parties “networking events” at night,  but I appreciated him always being around to help with bedtime, to give Jules her bath and read her a bedtime story.  Or the San Francisco Chronicle.  Whatever works.

We got a slow start on Wednesday morning, as Juliette hadn’t slept all that well and still hadn’t kicked that dang fever.  But we eventually made it out the door, in need of fresh air and breakfast (and coffee, for the love of God, coffee!), and found ourselves at Red Door Coffee.  We found a great little table, my latte was perfect, and Jules quietly sat on my lap like an angel baby as she ate her yogurt.  Things were looking up.  Until the manager came over and very politely asked us to leave, as the coffee shop was a 21 and over venue, 24 hours a day.  We quickly packed up our things and walked out, feeling embarrassed and frustrated and a little bit homesick for our beloved Columbia City Bakery.  Thankfully, we found solace in the waterfall and a sunny bench at Yerba Buena Gardens.

Our Park du Jour was Washington Square Park, about a mile north of the hotel.  We ate lunch on the grass there while watching some dogs run around and listening to a couple of guys in construction vests and hard hats play a saxophone and guitar.

We packed up our things after lunch and walked further north to Fisherman’s Wharf.   I really wanted Juliette to see the sea lions, as this was one of my favorite San Francisco sights as a kid.  She was not impressed.

But the carousel!  Now we’re talkin’.  We stood here for awhile and just watched the horses go ’round.  Anything for that girl.

From Pier 39, we took a long walk along the waterfront, as I wanted to go back to the Ferry Building to pick up a vase from Heath Ceramics that I had my eye on.

Again, Jules proved herself to be the perfect walking companion.

So again, I treated us to ice cream!  Jules, hold the cone while I take a picture.  Or…just go ahead and stick the whole thing in your mouth.

We ate dinner that night in the Mission at Pizzeria Delfina – this place has become an SF staple for us.

As we tucked Juliette in that night, I started to feel a little tickle in my throat.  Uh-oh.  By 9:00 I was feeling feverish and achy.  Double uh-oh.  I had a horribly restless night as I struggled to cool down, then warm up, then cool down, praying in the midst of all my tossing and turning that God would please, please, please have mercy on me and make this a quick little bug.  Shane headed out at 6 am to pick up some cold medication and I quickly dosed myself up – we had tickets for a 12:45 Giants game and I was bound and determined not to miss it.  We all headed out for breakfast together once the meds kicked in and then Juliette and I went back to the hotel to grab a nap.  Thankfully, her fever had finally broken once she woke up, and the rash that was appearing on her belly confirmed what the nurse I’d talked to on Tuesday suspected – she’d caught a case of roseola, characterized by several days of fever followed by a non-itchy rash.  My own spirits and symptoms were lifted by Juliette’s upswing and the three of us set out for AT&T park for baby’s first Giants game!

Juliette was amused by the game for the first three innings, sitting quietly on our laps and staring wide-eyed at the people and the ball field and the cotton candy vendors.  She clapped when everyone else clapped and was only minorly alarmed when Shane threw her in the air after Gregor Blanco’s home run.  We’re going to make a baseball fan out of this kid!

Shane had brilliantly bought us club level tickets, so when the game lost its charm, we headed inside for lunch.  Innings 4-7 were spent bouncing back and forth from our seats to the club level, as Jules became increasingly antsy.   Finally he strapped her into the Ergo – one loop around the park was all it took for this girl to be OUT.

She snoozed through the end of the game, but we were thrilled just to have made it to the ninth inning.  And to see a win!  There’s nothing like being swept out onto AT&T plaza in a sea of happy fans in orange and black.

We made it back to the room around 5:00 and called it a day.  Juliette and I were both completely beat – my cold was rearing its ugly head and Juliette was just plain worn out after four days of short naps and restless nights.  We did our best to keep her content until her normal bedtime, but ultimately tucked her in at 6:30.

We said farewell to our room at the Grand Hyatt on Friday morning – we were certainly going to miss this view.  But the close quarters?  Not so much…

I still curse the germs that got us sick, but we were leaving San Francisco with some incredible memories.  Even in the midst of the fevers and the tiredness and the cafe eviction, Juliette and I still had a blast together – as we were sitting along the waterfront on Monday, sharing our ice cream, I was struck by how much I enjoy hanging out with my daughter as she makes the transition from helpless babe to fun-loving companion.  And oh, how I love showing her the world, even when it’s tiring and inconvenient and upsets our schedule.  She won’t remember this trip, but I will, and I’ll tell her how she lit up when I handed her that ice cream cone, how happy she was to sit in the grass overlooking the city, how she clapped with the crowd when Petit struck out batter after batter.  I forgive you, baby, for the nights you woke up at 2:00 and wouldn’t settle until 4:00, popping up over and over while your dad and I tried (and failed) to ignore you from two feet away.  It was all worth it.  I think.

Next stop, Turlock!

Juliette is becoming more observant, more curious, and more opinionated with each passing day.  She’s tossing her toys by the wayside and making a mischievous break for our phones or remote controls or whatever other baby no-no’s we’ve unwittingly left lying around.  And oh, do the crocodile tears flow when we take said remote control or iPhone away from her.  She’s suddenly very interested in what I’m eating and has all kinds of ideas about what should be on her own plate (the tight-lipped turn of her head when I offer her freshly made baby food is not a welcome development).  The older she gets, the less it feels like parenting is just about keeping her fed and dry and as happy as possible.  As her personality really begins to shine through, it’s hitting me:  We’ve got to teach show this little girl kindness and generosity and patience.  She’s watching us.

Yikes.

And what else do we want to show her?  What does it mean to be a Schnell?  Nance wrote last year about what it means to be a Rust, and she’s spot-on when she says, “Our family will have a culture, a way of being, whether we plan for it intentionally or not.  So I’d rather give it some thought ahead of time rather than looking back in 25 years and wishing I’d done things differently.”  What’s at the heart of Shane’s and my being?  How do we give and receive love?  What brings us the most joy, tugs the most fiercely at our hearts?  As we watch Jules grow, there will (hopefully) be moments when our breath catches in our throats and we proudly nod and say, “Yeah, she got that from us.”  What will those moments look like?  What matters most?  This is a start:

We jump at the chance to help out our people.  A ride to the airport, a home-cooked (or picked-up, at least) meal, a shoulder to lean on when the going gets tough – we are ready and willing when friends and family need us.  People matter more than to-do lists or money or naps.  I fail at putting this into practice sometimes, but Shane inspires me over and over again to live out our love.  I feel so lucky that Jules will be learning about friendship from her incredibly loyal dad.

We laugh hard and often.  There is always room for silliness in our home, room for dance parties and funny faces and made-up songs.  I have been pulled out of many a funk by Shane’s air guitar.  And now we’re doing the same for Jules, bending over backwards to draw forth a giggle, because a good belly laugh is so good for the soul.  We were heading out to a friend’s house a couple of weeks ago and Juliette was completely over being in the car before we’d even finished buckling her car seat straps.  So Shane hopped in the back seat with her, perched her stuffed puppy on top of his head, and blubbered his lips like a madman.  A car full of teenagers pulled up alongside us just in time for the show.  They smirked their too-cool-for-school smirks, but Shane felt no embarrassment, no shame – we’re a family of damn proud goofballs.

We do our best.  We work hard at school or at our jobs.  We aren’t the slacker lab partner or the project team member that people don’t want to get stuck with, because we are thorough and conscientious and we follow through with our commitments.  We are not perfectionists and we are not without limits, but we make ourselves proud, however that looks.

We love the outdoors.  We’re not hard-core backpackers or mountain-bikers and our hikes are usually more like short walks with lots of snacks involved, but when we have the choice between staying inside and watching TV or heading outdoors to play in the park or just lay in the grass, we go out.  I’m convinced that we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the United States.  We don’t take that for granted.

We are San Francisco Giants fans.  I know, is this really at the core of who we are?  I note it because I know how important (and fun) it is to have a shared pastime.  Shane and I have wildly different interests, but baseball is one of the few things we both really rally around – we find so much joy in going to a game together or letting the voice of Jon Miller whisk us away to AT&T Park, filling us in on the latest happenings with Buster and MadBum and Timmy.  And so we’ll do our best to raise Juliette to love baseball, too.  We’ll let her watch The Sandlot and enroll her in tee-ball as soon as she’s old enough to run the bases (but no pressure, baby!).

Here goes, kiddo.  Looking forward to watching (and helping) your inner Schnell shine through.

It was a quintessential summer weekend – afternoons spent laying on a picnic blanket and dipping our toes in Lake Washington, dinners hot off the grill, watermelon and sparklers and swings, oh my…

Shane and I both wrapped up our work weeks on Wednesday evening, so we kicked off our long holiday weekend on Thursday.  Jules and I met up with La Verne and Nico for our standing bakery date in the morning and then headed right back out after morning nap for pizza with papa.  The three of us swung by Lakewood Park on our way home for a little playground action – the swings are still a sure-fire baby-pleaser.

We spent the evening at Jack and La Verne’s, celebrating Nance’s birthday with brats and beer and chocolate cake.  The look on the babies’ faces says it all – who are these nutty people?!

Nico and Jules are becoming fast friends.

Ok, so maybe Nico’s a little nutty, too (in the best possible way, of course)…

We partied hard until…wait for it…7:30!  A new record with the babe!  Followed by the fastest ride home/bath/bedtime story ever, so that we could get Miss Charming tucked in before she turned into a howling, rotten pumpkin.

On Friday afternoon we drove over to Bellevue to check out Meydenbauer Beach Park, a pristine stretch of lawn right on the lake.  I was worried it would be packed because of the holiday, but we had no trouble staking our claim on a perfect patch of shady grass.

Goofball.

We spent the evening at Chez Rust, eating more brats and drinking more beer and lighting the fireworks that Jason had picked up outside city limits.

It was all fun and games when we were just dealing with smoke bombs and sparklers, but once the bigger guns came out, the boys became a little skittish.

Juliette remained pretty chill through it all, not really caring too much one way or the other.  Oh, how this kid has mellowed with age!

Saturday brought more sunshine and more time to hang with the gang.  We convened at Seward Park around lunchtime for tacos and storytime.

Gryffin and Isaiah hopped in and out of the lake all afternoon while Jules “waded” a bit, not sure what to make of the chilly water.

Jason could not be any sweeter to Juliette.  And it’s taken nine months, but she’s finally coming around.

C’mon babies, throw me a bone here!

Jason and Nancy gave us their old baby backpack and we decided to take it for a spin on Sunday at Tiger Mountain.  It was borderline hot that day, and it felt good to hang out in the shade of the woods (with a sweaty baby strapped to your back, huh, Shane?).

We stopped at a bench for a picnic lunch and then headed back once we realized we’d hit the end of the trail.

Jules decided at this point that she was done being in the backpack, so Shane carried her the mile back to the car, stopping every couple of minutes to let her touch ferns and pine needles and mossy tree trunks.  I hope she loves green as much as I do.

We made it!

Oh…summer.  So so so sooooo good.

Happy Father’s Day to the two most important guys in my life!

To Shane, who wows me time and again with the tender, silly, completely selfless way he loves our little girl.  Watching him welcome a kiss from her, even when her face is covered in drool; watching him read her the same books over and over and over, each time pretending that it’s a complete surprise that the very hungry caterpillar turns into a butterfly; watching him elicit sweet baby giggles as he jumps and dances and dramatically bonks his head with a cereal box or toy block…these are my greatest joys.  We pass this little playground every time we walk to the neighborhood bakery and Shane likes to take a spin with Jules around the basketball courts.  He gives her a good push and she’s off, probably wondering who the heck is in control of the stroller if papa is running alongside her and mama is laughing from the sidelines.  She’s mildly amused, but that goofy, excited grin on Shane’s face as she rolls right into his arms gets me every time.  He’s so good at play, so sweet in his funny little shenanigans.

And to my own dad, who’s a model of tender-loving fun.  I still remember how he’d come home from work in the evenings and “play the piano” on my belly while I laughed hysterically, I remember that day on Dean Drive that he gave me a push on my first real bike, that stylish pink and green Huffy.  I remember him cheering me on at swim meets and graduations, always wanting me to feel supported and valued and affirmed.

How did Juliette and I get so incredibly lucky?

Shane and I tag-teamed baby duty all weekend, so Memorial Day was officially designated a family fun day – the Schnells were pumped and ready to take Seattle by storm.  Admittedly, we were not so pumped about being up at 6 am and spent the morning seeing how long we could get Jules to just hang out in bed with us, but after breakfast, a little play time, a morning nap, and our usual getting-out-of-the-house rigamarole, we were off!  We landed at Kubota Gardens with the Chens for a picnic lunch on the lawn.

Seeing these two munchkins together makes me so deliriously happy.  I wish I had a photo of the gymnastics Shane and Jack were doing behind me to get Nico and Jules to synchronize their smiles!

After lunch, we took an easy stroll through the park, pausing for a couple of family photo ops.  I’ve only been to Kubota during the fall, so it was fun to see it in all it’s lush springtime glory.

We headed home around 2:00 and conked out – all of us.  I love family naptime!  Jules logged a solid two hours of z’s and seemed ready for another go when she woke up, so we got back in the car and drove over to Seward Park for an evening walk.  This girl really, really loves being outside.  And I love showing her this incredible place we live in.

Jules dined on peas and strawberries while enjoying last of the day’s rays, and then it was time to head home for bath, books, and bed.  The day had been busy in the mellowest way possible, and we enjoyed the satisfied sense of restfulness that comes with feeling like you’ve done a lot and done nothing at all.  Mondays don’t get much better than this, huh baby?

The Mr. and I celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary on the 20th.  Eight years ago we were honeymooning in Costa Rica, enjoying a chance to sun-soak and snorkel and recharge.  We were looking forward to making a home in our cozy Capitol Hill apartment, thrilled that from there on out, after several years of dating long-distance, there would be no more wishing each other good night over the phone.  It felt like such an enormous gift, getting to go to sleep with Shane by my side.

Eight years and one baby later, I’m dearly cherishing going to sleep, but I’m afraid the “with Shane by my side part” fell off my gratitude radar some time ago.  I get swept up in my roles as architect and mama and orchestrator of all things domestic, and I forget to remember how lucky I am that I get to be Shane’s wife, too.  We enjoyed a little marital reboot on Tuesday as we ventured out of the house sans baby for dinner and drinks at our new favorite Mexican joint.  Jack and La Verne hooked us up with their amazing baby sitter for the evening, and although we spent the short drive to Georgetown anxiously wondering if Juliette was still sleeping, and then wondering what she would do if she woke up crying and a stranger came into her room to soothe her, and then wondering how long the baby sitter would wait to call us if she couldn’t get Jules to stop crying, and then wondering how quickly we could get home from the restaurant if we got the dreaded mayday phone call, once we were seated at our table and sipping our first round of margaritas, we were asking each other why we don’t get out together more often.  We savored our chile verde and chorizo tacos and we focused fully on each other as we checked in and reminisced.  And we came home to find that Juliette had snoozed through the whole thing, crisis-free.  A complete date night success!

Happy anniversary, buhb.  You are a better husband, father, and friend than I could have ever dreamed of.

More and more, our weeks are developing a natural rhythm: Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday are busy-busy-busy with work and daycare and lots of rushing about; Thursday is my treasured me-and-Jules day; Friday I squeeze in a little work from home before getting together with my mama friends and their babies; Saturday Shane and I often pull “shifts” and take turns hanging out with the baby while the other person gets out to run or shop or spend time with friends; and finally there’s Sunday, on which we cap off the week with lots of quality together time and a little Schnell family adventure.  Sunday is our fun day.

Last Sunday we headed east to check out Juanita Bay Park in Kirkland.  Shane had read that the park is a great place to spot wildlife, teeming with birds and beavers and turtles, and that guy loves him some turtles.

The woods were damp and mossy and bright yellow-green, on the verge of fully bursting with new growth.

Juliette dug it.

And so did Shane, thrilled to find a band of turtles sunning themselves on a log…  Although I’m sure Jules had no idea what she was looking at, it was pretty fun to watch her papa excitedly point and say “look, baby!” twenty times over.  When I think about all this girl has yet to discover, all the new experiences we’ll bear witness to, my heart swells with anticipation.

Today was downright balmy with temps approaching 70, so we packed a bag full of snacks and set out for Luther Burbank Park on Mercer Island for some serious sun-gazing.  We staked out a spot on a perfect patch of shade-dappled grass and watched the boats go by.

This is the face of a girl that was born at the start of Seattle’s rainy season and has just discovered that warmer, brighter skies exist.

We walked out on the dock and then hit the playground for a quick spin on the swings.  Far too soon, it was time to head home for naps – we’re adding this park to our list of good-weather favorites.

Sunday, Sunday, SUNday.  So good.

In addition to my annual list of resolutions, I like to choose a word to dwell on throughout the year.  Last year I prayed that I would make myself vulnerable to a deep, fervent hope; this year I’m looking outward a little more, feeling called to be more fully present for the people in my life.  I’ve mentioned before how easily I can get sucked into my task list vortex, where the measure of a good day is based more on productivity than on quality time with friends or family.  The arrival of Juliette has clearly brought to light the necessity of recalibrating my priorities, putting my nearest and dearest above my to-do’s.  That baby of ours needs (and deserves) all kinds of attention.  And while she’s not shy about letting me know when she’s hungry or poopy or just wants to be held, what about those other times, when she’s sweetly content to just lay on the floor and suck on her fingers?  Is that my cue to rush downstairs to throw in a load of laundry, then hustle around the kitchen to get dinner ready?  Or is it my cue to pause, to throw a couple of pillows down and lay right next to her, to chat with her and tickle her toes while she coos and babbles?  Some mornings, when she’s especially easy-going, I find myself just shuffling her from room to room as I go about my own routine, propping her up in her chair in the bathroom while I blow-dry my hair, dropping her in her bouncer in the kitchen while I unload the dishwasher and make breakfast, putting her down on her playmat while I eat and check email.  Before I know it, it’s time for her first nap and I’ve entirely missed my morning window for snuggle sessions and playtime.

I threw out the sleep training guidelines the other day and let Juliette nap in my arms after she nursed.  As I laid my hand on her belly and gazed at her peaceful face, rosy-cheeked where she had been nuzzled in the crook of my arm, she grabbed my finger in her chubby little fist and gripped it tight as she slept.  It felt like she was asking me to stay awhile, reminding me that our quiet moments together are precious and so quickly fleeting.  And the time I spend with her, singing silly songs and smothering her with head-to-toe kisses, it matters.  It matters that I’m present for her.  It matters that she knows she’s more important than housework or blog posts or emails.  It matters that I daily speak words of affirmation and positivity over her.  And when she responds to my undivided attention with a happy giggle or an extra-close cuddle, it’s apparent how much those dirty dishes in the sink and those crumbs on the floor really don’t matter.

So I’m being more there for Juliette and she’s flashing me her winning smiles and I’m making good progress on this resolution, but I fear there’s another member of our family that’s a little short on lovin’.  Remember Shane, who used to stand front and center in my weekend updates and my travel posts, who used to by the object of all my gushing?  There was a time when I couldn’t wait to get home to him after a long day at work, to enjoy one of his extra-special bear hugs and dish on the day’s ups and downs.  Don’t get me wrong – I still can’t wait to see him in the evenings (my daily 5:00 “when r u coming home?” text message is evidence of that), but it’s usually so that I can toss the baby in his direction and enjoy a little space to myself, because I am beat.  I’ll take a breather and watch from the sidelines while the two of them play, then summon the last of my reserves for bathtime, bedtime, and dinnertime.  By 8:00, I am physically and emotionally zapped, wanting nothing more than to zone out in my own corner of the couch with my laptop or my knitting while Shane queues up House of Cards.  It’s hardly what you would call “quality time” for the two of us.  So I’m working on digging deeper, asking real questions rather than muttering an obligatory “How was your day?”.  I’m taking him up on his offer when he pushes himself against the back of the couch so that I can stretch out alongside him while we talk or read or watch Parenthood.  I’m reminding myself that although it takes effort, although it goes against my natural inclination to hole up and turn in, the restorative power of intimacy ultimately lands us in a much happier place.

These two have brought me such great, heaping boatloads of joy.  May I be a wife and mom that daily returns the favor.