little black journal

December came fast this year, on the heels of a particularly busy November.  Last month started with Shane recovering from a nasty bike accident (he’s ok now, but dang it if that didn’t scare the bejeezus out of me!); and then we bought a new car, which was exciting but also laden with that feeling of anxiety that naturally comes with any five-figure purchase; and then we decided to move forward with finally hiring someone to tear out our filthy downstairs carpet and lay new tile, which spiraled into a whole painting/plumbing/cleaning frenzy, complete with about 14 trips to Home Depot; and Shane’s job has kicked into overdrive, and Juliette’s been, well, two, and time’s flying by at warp speed.

So I panicked for a moment when I sat in church last Sunday and realized that Advent had already started (in November, no less!), as I hadn’t yet given the season much thought, other than a vague resolution to make it incredibly meaningful.  Whoops.  My mind raced as I wrestled with what I thought Advent 2015 should look like.  I felt called to grieve deeply and intentionally for the tragedy and violence that seems to be engulfing our world, while also keeping my eyes fixed on the hope of God’s promise.  I was struck that this is the year that Juliette needs to come to a true understanding of the meaning of Christmas (she knows the words “baby” and “donkey” and “star”, so she must be ready, right?!).  And of course, we needed to exemplify the utmost selflessness and generosity and warmth.  The pressure was on!

But after browsing Pinterest for “toddler advent activities” and determining that Jules and I wouldn’t be making our own nativity scene from popsicle sticks and quilting squares, and feeling completely overwhelmed by the challenge of finding a rhythm of meditation that adequately acknowledges the dark of the world and the light of God, I settled on keeping it simple.  We’re reading the Christmas story to Juliette every night and have added Away In A Manger to our rotation of bedtime lullabies.  I’ve opened up my dusty prayer journal and am spending a few minutes by the light of the tree each evening, putting words to both my grief and my gratitude.

We’re also pointing wildly and shouting “CHRISTMAS LIIIIIIIIGHTS!” every time we pass a decked-out house, reveling in Juliette’s unabated excitement over the gaudiest of displays.  We’re listening to A Charlie Brown Christmas during marathon Lego sessions.  I’m queuing up my holiday movie watchlist and digging my knitting needles out of the closet.  We’re stocking our fridge with eggnog (and our liquor cabinet with brandy).  We’re taking a breath, entering this season of anticipation with a quiet joy.

Advent, I’m so glad you’re here.

Holiday season is officially here, ushered in with a cozy Thanksgiving weekend in Portland with my brother and his family.  We rolled up to their house Thursday around lunchtime and settled right in.  Morgan and Elise, how I’ve missed you!

Jules was also thrilled to be reunited with her cousins, hardly leaving their sides for the duration of our stay and whining, “I want to see Morgan and Eliiiiiiiise, mama!” when it was time to head downstairs for nap or bedtime.

While Mitch and Kathryn slaved away in the kitchen on Thursday afternoon, Shane and I gladly took on kid-duty, bundling up the girls and running around with them in the backyard.

I love you, Jules.

The wind picked up and froze our fingers and noses, so we headed inside to drink tea and paint turkeys.

We feasted that night on beef stew and turkey and stuffing and roasted veggies.  We took turns saying what we’re most thankful for, and family topped the list for each one of us.  Actually, Morgan might have said cookies, but I’m sure family was a close second!

Friday morning was chilly but sunny, so Kathryn and I jetted out for a trail run while Shane held down the fort at home.

We came home to a house of stir-crazy girls, so we all headed over to a nearby playground to get the wiggles out.

Ahhhhhhh, that sun!

Sufficiently dosed with fresh air and vitamin D, we were all content to spend the afternoon inside, doing puzzles and reading by the fire.

We went out for dinner that night at a nearby brewpub, threw the kids in the tub, promptly tucked them into bed, and then opened up a bottle of Port to commemorate a day well spent.

Saturday was another gorgeous day, but we got a slow start and let the girls hang out in their comfy polka dot footie pajamas until mid-morning.

Finally, we rallied and drove over to George Rogers Park to check out the beach.

Who says you can’t play in the lake at the end of November?

I think Juliette was wearing thin by this point, a little fatigued by trying to keep up with the big kids.

Luckily, I had a magic fruit snack in my pocket!

Morgan was insistent that we check out the playground, which turned out to be an excellent call, as it was a sunny spot stocked with beautiful new play equipment.

They even had Twister!

Elise and Morgan took turns riding in the back of our car as we went to and fro, and Jules loved having a backseat buddy.

We spent another quiet afternoon back at the house, again curled up by the fire for a book/puzzle/board game bonanza.

We said our good-byes and hit the road to Seattle on Saturday night.  Juliette chattered and sang until finally letting her eyelids fall shut around 9:30, when we were just 20 minutes from home.  Luckily, she hardly protested when I moved her from the car to her crib, too tired to put up much of a fight.  We’d all played hard over the past couple days.  We had run, swung, climbed, skipped rocks, laughed, done that dang monkey puzzle 87 times.  We had found much to be thankful for.

I received a text from a friend on Friday as I was getting Juliette up from her nap that read, “Prayers for Paris – Suspected terrorist attacks and shootings…”.  She and I had spent a year together studying abroad in Paris and fell head over heels for the city and the language and the culture while we were there.  I scrolled the latest headlines and was overwhelmed with grief as I read about the people that were gunned down at sidewalk cafes, the bombings and shootings that took 89 lives at the the Bataclan theater.  Bataclan is just half a mile from my old apartment – I walked right past it on Thursdays when I’d visit the market on Richard Lenoir.  The lives lost in France certainly aren’t any more valuable than the lives recently lost at the hands of terrorists in Beirut and Baghdad, but damn, this particular act of terror felt so close to me.  I have vivid memories of spending evenings on cafe terraces, drinking red wine with friends, feeling care-free and joy-filled and safe.  And now I can’t shake the image of a man kneeling next to an overturned table, weeping over the body of his dead friend, of blood-spattered pavement and heavily-armed police.  In the midst of this horror, extremists are rejoicing over the lives lost.  Sometimes this world feels suffocatingly dark.  God?  Where the hell are you?

As we stood and sang in church today, I felt a desperate yearning to live into the image of these words:

Trick or TREAT!  Since Juliette was such a cute owl last year, I decided to stick with the bird theme and whip up a little peacock tutu and feathered headband this year – I’m no seamstress, but I can make good things happen with elastic, tulle, and a hot glue gun!  Jules was a great sport about the whole thing and donned her “bird skirt” throughout our Friday playdate at the toddler gym.

Those feathered leggings were a lucky clearance find at Old Navy.  Don’t let her face fool you – she was super-stoked about the whole thing.

It was fun to see all of Juliette’s buddies in costume, though Clark Kent looks none too thrilled about having his glasses swiped…

This guy looks like he could be posing for a Fireman-of-the-Month calendar, doesn’t he?

Smile, kiddos!  Or don’t.

Thanks, Jeremy Lin, for indulging me.

That feathered rump!

We laid low Saturday morning, saving our energy for an evening of Halloween festivities at Chez Rust.  This girl woke up from naptime ready to get her trick or treat on.

But first, pumpkin guts!  Jules was fascinated when I popped the top off her pumpkin and pulled out a handful of gooey seeds.  She was also sorely disappointed when I told her she wouldn’t be wielding the carving knife.

One pumpkins were carved, the kiddos (plus Jason) suited up in their costumes and set out on their candy quest.

I wasn’t sure how Juliette would take to trick or treating – I expected she’d be a little nervous about knocking on strangers’ doors, but she boldly marched up to that first house, shoved her hand right into that candy bowl, dropped her chocolates in her bucket, and then ran back to me, eyes gleaming as she exclaimed “I got a treat, mama!  I got a TREAT!”.

Jules had a total blast and I reveled in the whole thing right along with her.  I know, processed sugar and yadda, yadda, yadda, but it’s so much fun to watch her take part in these rituals that I remember loving so much as a kid.  Her gleeful (slightly devilish) laugh as she bounded down the steps from each house was priceless.  And that neighborhood does Halloween right, with lots of super-friendly adults in costumes and spooky spiderwebs on porches.

And…slightly frightening window displays…

After one last treat from Wonder Woman, the wind got the best of us and we called it a night.

We went back to the Rusts and the kids excitedly took inventory of their loot – Juliette ate a lollipop and snagged a nibble of a Snickers bar, which sent her over the moon, but miraculously, thankfully, her candy stash was forgotten by the time we tucked her into bed (which is a good thing, as Shane and I ate all the best stuff out of her bucket while we watched E.T. that night!).  Turns out the thrill was more in the chase than the reward.

Happy Halloween, little bird.  Way to spread those wings.

I think I say this every October (and then again on our first warm, sunny day in May), but Seattle has never looked more beautiful.  I’ve been obsessively toting my camera around (you think?!), wanting to capture every Fall color and texture and hazy glow.

Shane and I were so taken with Ravenna Park when we jogged there a couple of weeks ago that we went back on Saturday for a more leisurely stroll, to wind our way up and down the wooded paths and over the bridges, stopping in open fields of grass for a quick game of tag.

Jules dug around for the biggest leaf she could find and proudly waved her autumn flag.

This. Tree.

And, as icing on our golden cake, a zipline!  Juliette’s new playground favorite.

This season suits her, don’t you think?

On Sunday we set out for our weekly family run, this time at Carkeek Park just north of Ballard.  And once again, Shane’s trail-scouting skills proved absolutely superb.

Mid-loop, we stopped for a breather at the beach – after swooning over all that green and gold, I forgot how much I love blue and gray, too.

We hit the trail for the final leg of our run, not entirely sure where we were going, but…ka-pow!

It was so pretty there that we let Juliette hop back out of the stroller to soak it all in.

Three cheers for Fall!

These colors, this cool, crisp weather – October is killin’ it.  So we’re more than happy to oblige Juliette’s persistent requests for “outside time?  outside time?  outside time?!”.

Last weekend we romped through the Carpinito pumpkin patch with the gang – Juliette went nuts when she saw the mounds of orange and white, momentarily putting down the beloved Percy train she’d borrowed from Nico to grab a pumpkin from the bin.

But ultimately, Percy won.

This was one of those days when I relished her blossoming independence, when it felt so good to sit back and watch her run free.

Juliette is into all things insect these days and could hardly contain herself when she found a little ladybug crawling on this pumpkin.  Simple pleasures…

These boys have become like big brothers to Juliette, contentedly playing magna-tiles together one minute, snatching toys out of each other’s hands the next.  I love watching them grow up together.

Two seconds after I took this photo, the wheelbarrow tipped over.  Whoops.

We finally settled on a long-stemmed beast of a squash, strapped it in the stroller, and called it a wrap, chuckling a little as we reminisced about our less-than-ideal visit to Carpinito two years ago.  We’ve come a long way!

We’re on a family running streak and spent that afternoon zipping down the trails at Ravenna Park – how have we missed visiting this gem in the past ten years?!

Jules and I met up with our pals at Volunteer Park on Friday morning for a go at the playground and a “splash” in the leaf-strewn wading pool.

Turns out dried leaves are a fairly decent substitute for water!

And Juliette’s hair is the perfect Fall camouflage.

Buddies!

I know, Jules – these colors make me feel all warm and huggy, too.

One final embrace for the road…

Ok, I’ll stop now.

Who am I kidding?  More orange and gold magic coming your way – we hit the parks hard this past weekend.  Stay tuned.

I thought about skipping the monthly Jules updates now that she’s two and really not a baby anymore, now that the changes in her seem more gradual, but indulge me – there are a few toddler tidbits that I want to capture in this little time capsule.

Like, holy geez, she’s got a mouth on her!  Not a bad mouth, just an ultra-busy one that rambles on and on and on.  She’s using words that I didn’t even realize she knew, telling me about the owie she got on her sho-der at school and asking for tanger-eeeeeens and reminiscing about that shiny carousel zebra she rode on when we were in San Francisco last month.  When we’re in the car together and she doesn’t have anything specific to tell me, it’s just, “Mama?  Mama?  Mama?  MAMA!!!”, until I acknowledge her with, “Yes, honey?”, at which point she replies, “Uhhhh…Hi, Mama!”  Some of her vocabulary is a little mixed up, which is good for a laugh, like when she gets “sham-poop” in her eyes, wants “busy water” (fizzy water) with dinner, and asks for “pine cones” (pumpkin scones) for breakfast.  She’s parotting Shane and I more than ever, flopping down on the floor with a dramatic sigh and saying, “Oh my gosh, I so tired”, and sweetly murmuring to her doll during pretend diaper changes, “Real quick, baby.  I know, I know…”.

She loves to sing, whether anyone is listening or not – “Twinkle, Twinkle” is currently on repeat (and repeat, and repeat) at our house:

It’s not all sweet twinkle-twinkle’s, though.  Her “assertive” personality is shining through more as she finds the words to express her wishes demands.  Favorite phrases these days are “stay back!” and “just leave it”, said with an upheld, spread-fingered hand and a furrowed brow, usually employed when I’m heading her way to retrieve whatever forbidden item she’s snagged from the counter.  Getting dressed in the morning can be maddening, as she grabs her pants out of Shane’s hands and shouts “Mama do it!”, then grabs her socks from me and yells “Daddy do it!”  I know, labeling girls as “bossy” is taboo in this day and age, and we’re supposed to celebrate our daughter’s excellent leadership potential, but dang, toddler tyranny is not my favorite.

Back to the good stuff: pictures!  Here are a few from our Thursday romp through the Arboretum – I have upped my work hours and am now in the office on Thursdays, but when I can, I slip away a little early so that I can pick up Juliette for an abbreviated mama-Jules day.  She and I can’t get enough of these Fall leaves.

And the requisite N+J photo:

And…just a couple more, because, JOY:

Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t wish one hell of a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my favorite guy, the man who keeps our boat on course time and again amidst the glaciers of parenthood.  Happy 36th, Shane.  Jules and I love you so very, very much.

I feel like my last three months of blog entries were a sort of tribute to the glory of Seattle summers, but Fall in the PNW ain’t too shabby, either.  The trees are bursting with color and have shed just enough leaves to coat the ground with a nice crinkly carpet of gold.  Swim season is over, but duck hunting season is well underway – we hop in the car and visit our feathered friends at the Arboretum whenever the sun comes out.

We spent a lazy Saturday there with the Chens, and after the longest short walk ever, as Juliette seemed to run twenty steps backward for every twenty-one steps forward, we staked out a spot near the water to crack open a bottle of wine and watch the sailboats.

Like I said, not too shabby.

My mom and dad were in town last weekend and we spent Friday afternoon at Kubota Gardens – we’d been there just one week earlier with Shane’s mom, but wowsers, it had gotten even better since then!  Happy Birthday to me!

Such a treat to ring in my 34th year with this crew and these colors.

Saturday was rainy, rainy, rainy – we hardly left the house and were all feeling completely stir-crazy by Sunday morning.  Thank goodness for a sun-break!  Off to the arboretum again!

My mom and dad headed back to Oregon on Sunday afternoon while Shane, Jules, and I went for a jog along the trails at the Redmond Watershed Preserve.  Juliette happily bumped along the wooded path with Shane, singing songs while I huffed and puffed to keep up.

We saw a couple of horses on the trails, and three days later, we’re still hearing about them.  “Horsey go poo-poo on his bottom, mama!”

Thanks, October, for being awesome.

Shane’s mom left yesterday after a week-long visit – it was a full few days, packed with parks and sight-seeing and plenty of at-home Lego-building and choo-choo time.  We’re missing her today – Juliette’s first words when we came downstairs this morning were, “Where Grandma go?!”  I know, kiddo, it was awfully fun having her around…

Last Sunday was a beautiful Fall day, so we rented a boat at UW and paddled around Lake Washington.  It was a little windy out there, and the water was a little rougher than we anticipated, but after some frantic rowing on Shane’s part, we made our way to the calm, sheltered waters of the arboretum.

Juliette couldn’t resist leaning over to run her fingers through the water, but Grandma kept a firm hold on her life jacket to make sure the rest of her stayed dry.

This photo captures our crossing back to the dock so well – Juliette and I snapping pictures while the wind whipped our hair, Shane grimacing with each stroke of the paddle as he struggled to keep us on course.

Whew!  Made it!

Shane went to work on Monday while the rest of us headed to the zoo for some animal-gazing.

We lucked out and saw most of the animals up-close, from giraffes to hippos to these magnificent tigers.

And penguins!!!

Juliette loved the flamingos and did her best to mimic their one-legged stance.

We said good-bye to our furry and feathered friends around noon and headed home for naptime – Juliette snoozed the afternoon away but woke up ready to get back at it, so we caught the last of the day’s rays at Jefferson Park.

Juliette went to daycare on Tuesday while Shane and his mom did some sight-seeing, and then stayed home with Grandma on Wednesday for some bonding time (which didn’t go quite as planned, stubborn Jules!).  Thursday was Grandma-Mama-Jules day, and the three of us spent the morning at the mall and the afternoon at Luther Burbank Park.

Shane biked over after work to meet up with us and have his own go at the playground.

The four of us were together on Friday and decided to spend the cool, gray morning indoors at the Museum of Flight.  This kid looks ready to fly, doesn’t she?

We headed to Kubota Gardens in the afternoon and wandered down the tree-lined pathways, soaking in all the greens and reds and oranges.

Tuckered out.  Finally.

We said good-bye to Pat yesterday morning, with lots of hugs and a few tears.  Thanks for making the trek out here, Grandma!  Thanks for riding along with us so patiently on the roller-coaster that is toddler-hood.  For loving Juliette so fiercely.  Come back soon.

Fall officially starts on Wednesday, but it feels like it rolled in about a week ago – skies have been gray, mornings have been chilly, leaves have been losing their green with each passing day…  Thankfully, we made the most of what turned out to be the last blazin’ day of summer a couple of Saturdays ago, renting kayaks and hitting Lake Union for a spin with the Chens.

When we were told that the kids would have to sit in their own seats, we paused for a moment – Juliette’s not one for sitting still, and I wouldn’t be within arm’s reach to restrain her.  What if we got out on the water and she didn’t like it?  What if she tried to jump ship?

Or…what if she loved it?!

(And then still threatened to jump ship?)

Although Juliette’s insistence on testing the water made Shane super-anxious, and although I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to steer with the foot pedals and directed La Verne’s and my kayak into oncoming speedboat traffic a couple of times, we had a blast out there.

Sweet Jesus, that sun!  Already feels like a distant memory…

Soak it up, Nico!

We made it safely back to the dock, relatively dry and a little pink-cheeked.  We grabbed a table at Agua Verde and raised our margaritas to the end of my most favorite Seattle season.  And now the nine-month countdown begins.